How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
