I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
