I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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