If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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