Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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