Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
