just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
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She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I did not marry a roomba.
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