Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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