can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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