i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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