no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
