Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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