omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
