people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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