I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
