i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
