So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
