Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
