Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
