I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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