So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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