everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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