btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize