Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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