Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
