I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
