and you said cock pushups were impossible
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
