chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
