NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
