his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
