Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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