She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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