Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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