Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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