i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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