WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
pray to the hookup gods
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
