Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Mom said you looked used
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
