The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
