just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
