Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
