Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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