I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
