Cold hands, warm shart.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
