My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
