i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
