in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
