So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
