Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
