just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
