This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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