My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
