don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
