I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize