wrigley field is MILF paradise
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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