If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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