Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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