i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
