For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
this hospital has no fireball
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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