we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
