I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
