Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
