Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
