Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
