Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
