i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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