I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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