this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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