Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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