Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
