How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
