remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I enjoy the company of your penis
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
