i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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